Kirikirimai
by RaspPunkyCS
Summary: This is the story of everyone in Kingdom Hearts looking for love. WARNING! Yaoi and Yuri! AI ish everywhere! Don't flame!
1. Default Chapter

AHH! This is my third time writing this chapter! The first time WORD shut down before I could save, and the second time my computer saved it as a file that it can't open. WTF?!

SO anyway, Taa daa! Another story! I had to write this, TLKAY is just too serious. I need some insanity to balance it out! Anyway, R&R.

Names and places are written IN ALL CAPS because I want them to be.

Kingdom Hearts is (c) Squenix and Disney. Final Fantasy is (c) Squenix. Oh Squenix, you whore!

WRITTEN HORRIBLY ON PURPOSE! So don't be like "OMG you misspelled and your grammar sucks to my ass-mar!" because I will shoot you.

It was a lovely day on the DESTINY ISLANDS. SORA was walking along the beach when suddenly he saw RIKU running up to him, waving his arms around.

"SORA! I have wunderful news!" he shouted

"What is it, RIKU?" SORA asked.

RIKU got down on one knee and took SORA's hands in his own. A blush spread over his cheeks. "SORA," he said, his voice wavering a bit "I am love you."

SORA tilted his head like a puppy. Or like a rabid anime fan. Or a puppy. "But RIKU!" SORA exclaimed. "That would make you a Homer-sexual!"

RIKU nodded. "Yes, that's right. I am homosexual. Is there a problem?"

"Um..yeah. Because...Umm.. You are...and I am..not.

RIKU burst into tears and fell face-down in the sand. "Oh SORA!" he wailed "All I even wanted was for you to love me!"

SORA suddenly felt very bad about himself and his sexuality. He knelt down next to RIKU. "Don't worry RIKU! Just because I don't love you the way you love me doesn't mean we can't be friends! We can get through this together!"

"Oho ho ho ho!" RIKU cackled. "You have fallen into my trap of love!" RIKU exclaimed, then tackled SORA, knocked him out, and carried him to his home.

(ELSEWHERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!OMG!)

SELPHIE was the queen of the island. KAIRI was her queen.

One day KAIRI sighed.

The next day KAIRI went to SELPHIE to talk.

The day after that KAIRI started to cry. She knew, deep within her heart, that she could do so much better than SELPHIE. "Being a lesbian on the DESTINY ISLANDS is so terrible!" she cried.

SELPHIE rushed to her side and threw her arms around her. "Oh KAIRI! What is the source of these negative feelings you harbor in your beautiful skull?"

KAIRI told SELPHIE of her thoughts. SELPHIE was crushed! "But KAIRI! I love you!"

"Oh SELPHIE! I love you too, but I cannot stay here anymore!" and with that she ran away.

SELPHIE pulled a walkie-talkie out of her pocket. "Ready the nets and tranquilizer darts!" she said.

(SCENE CHANGE! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!)

KAIRI ran along the beach sobbing. Suddenly, she slammed right into TIDUS and fell back onto the ground, where she lay still.

"Yo, KAIRI, are you, like, alive and stuff?" TIDUS asked, kicking her leg.

"Yessir!" KAIRI said, and sat up. She looked up at TIDUS. Odd. She had never before noticed his physical features. His sunshine hair, his gentle jaw line, his skin with it's perfect golden tan..

"Ya know, TIDUS, if you were straight and I were straight, we could totally date." KAIRI said.

And then they both laughed at the ridiculous idea.

"KAIRI, that is, like, such a ridiculous idea!" TIDUS giggled.

Then WAKKA ran up. "TIDUS!" he cried. "You only used to giggle like that for me, ya! Does this mean we are broken up, ya?!"

TIDUS felt like he'd been bitch-slapped! "WAKKERS! How can you think such a thing?! I love you with all my heart! I don't care what anyone says or thinks about us! I want to spend the rest of my life with you!" and they embraced.

WAKKA had never been happier in all of his thirteen years of life.

(AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH)

SORA woke up with a headache. "OH NO!" he yelled! "RIKU gave me that date rape drug!"

"No I haven't!" RIKU exclaimed. "I was saving that for Plan B!"

SORA looked around, dazed. He was in a cage. RIKU had built the cage. (All by himself OMG!!) In the cage with SORA, there was a heart shaped bed, a TV, a VCR, and a crate full of porn tapes.

RIKU laughed evilly and rubbed his hands together. God, he's diabolical! "Goodly!" RIKU said. "My plan is coming together!"

"What is your plan?" SORA asked.

"Well, it's quite simple! I kidnap you and bring you here to this room where I keep you in this cage. You will watch porn all day!" RIKU informed him.

SORA was confused. "What kind of plan is that?"

RIKU grinned. "Well, sooner or later you'll get desperate and turn to me!" and then he laughed like a mad scientist.

SORA turned to the sky. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

end of chapter one! what do you think? R&R! And stay tuned for the next chapter!


	2. orange soda

Hanyaan! I got more comments than I thought I would! Thankers to holydarknessrising, s n u c k, diamond-princess2006, Rinoki Rio, Stella, Sai-ryo Aura Feana, and yes, Deovion, I am weird.

DIS-CLAY-MUR! (see first chapter) Please, don't sue me or else I can't afford mangarz! m33p!

Onward!!

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WARNING: some Aeris/Aerith and Yuffie bashing. Not that I'm not fans of the characters. It's for the sake of the story.

AERITH loved CLOUD. However, he never paid her any attention. She tried everything she could short of a strip tease, but to no avail. But AERIS is ...slow.. and she was hell-bent on achieving his love!

YUFFIE loved SQUALL (never LEON! SQUALL 4lyfe!) with all her heart, but she was never sure if he loved her. Even though she was very loud-mouthed and talkative, she could never quite get the courage to ask him.

But in secret, CLOUD and SQUALL were lovers. They could never tell YUFFIE or AERISTH because they did not want to hurt their feelings. But they loved each other so much and those stupid girls were getting in their way!!

CLOUD was much more emo than SQUALL. He cried easily, watched soap operas, and even went through a PMS-like phase every full moon. SQUALL, however, was screamo. He had violent fits and was known to throw furniture. This would scare CLOUD very much and he would go to their room and cry for hours.

One fine day they were sitting on the couch making out when YUFFIE knocked on the door. "

"Why halo in thar!" she screamed, pounding on the door. "Shit shit shit!" SQUALL hissed, pushing CLOUD off of him. "That...that bitch!" CLOUD sobbed, and he ran into his and

SQUALL's room to cry. SQUALL answered the door angrily.

YUFFIE beamed at him. "SQUALLIKINS!" she squealed, hugging him around his middle. She inhaled deeply, then stopped. "SQUALL?"

He glared down at her, ready to spit acid. "What?"

"Why does you smell like teh CLOUD?"

SQUALL had to think of a lie. "I.. uh.. accidentally used his hair gel this morning.." he said quickly.

YUFFIE grinned from ear to ear. "Well, I figured that! I mean, c'mon! It's not like you were on the couch with him and then I came to the door and you were like 'shit shit shit' and CLOUD ran into his room crying or anything."

SQUALL stared dumbly. God damn, she's smart.

YUFFIE continued. "I mean, if that happened then CLOUD would be right over here in his room.." she walked to their door "and he would be crying!" and she pushed the door open. And there was CLOUD, in all his Village Man glory, crying his mako-infused brain out in the dark. Emo music crooned softly from the CD player.

YUFFIE's jaw dropped. "LIEK OMFG!" she screamed, slamming the door to CLOUD's room.

"SQUALLERS! You and CLOUD?! Liek OMFG! I must tell AERSITH!" and she ran off.

SQUALL threw the microwave out the window.

CLOUD started cutting himself.

YUFFIE ran through TRAVERSE TOWN. She knew that she had to tell AESRITH about what she had just discovered, but the first place she found was CID's gummi shop. She threw the door open.

She saw CID.

She saw the MOOGLE.

"Oh my god, that is so wrong!" she said, and then slammed the door shut and ran to AISRETH at the café.

"LIKE OMFG AEIRTSH! CLOUD and SQUALL are the HOMERSEXUAL!" she cried, slamming into the table the AIRTESH sat at, drinking her tea.

"Why, hello, YUFFIE." she smiled.

"Did you just here me?" asked YUFFIE.

ARESITH shook her head.

YUFFIE rolled her eyes. "SQUALL and CLOUD are gay! Homersexual! They dun like gals!" she said, waving her arms around.

AESIRTH started to cry. When she was done, she looked at YUFFIE. "Have you told CID?"

YUFFIE made the anime 'blegh' face. "Um…no. He was.. erm.. busy when I went to tell him."

HEIRESS nodded. "I see."

YUFFIE nodded.

"You know who's fault this is, don't you?" AHERIST asked.

YUFFIE shook her head.

"SEPHIRITH! It's SEPHIROTH's fault, you moron!!" she screamed, slamming her tables on the hand.

And with that AIERSTH hopped on a gummi ship and went to the OLYMPUS COLLISEUM.

"SEPHIROTH!" she shouted, rushing past PHIL. "SEPHY! Come out here!"

SEPHIROTH stumbled out into the battle arena, laughing giddily. His mako eyes were bloodshot.

"Tee hee hee!" He giggled.

"Umm…SEPHY?" asked ARISTHE.

SEPHIROTH grinned. "Oh.. hello.." and then he burst out laughing.

Then a second person stumbled out and fell on the ground, laughing hysterically.

AESITHR gasped. "Oh no! PIEDRA PIE!" she shrieked.

Then SEPHIROTH grabbed MASAMUME (might as well do all caps, it's a great sword) and impaled ATHRISE. Blood everywhere. PIEDRA PIE laughed and laughed. SEPHIROTH laughed too.

"Hey, PIE, do we have any more 'materia'?" asked SEPHIROTH.

"LOL WTF slap!" said PIEDRA, and he and SEPHIROTH went back into the locker room.

(loading….loading……. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!)

YUFFIE knocked on SQUALL and CLOUD's door again.

Knock knock.

"Who's there?"

"YUFFIE!"

(Ha ha ha gawd I'm so funnee.)

SQUALL answered the door and CLOUD ran away crying.

"OMG! SQUALL! Where's CLOUD, I have news!"

They knocked on CLOUD's door.

CLOUD answered the door, his hair flat from too much head-stroking from SQUALL.

"H'okay, so, EHRIYTH is… uh…dead. SEPHIROTH killed her."

CLOUD and SQUALL stared blankly.

"You're supposed to care!" YUFFIE said.

"Oh.." CLOUD said.

"Oh no. ATSRIEH is dead. What shall I do." SQUALL said flatly.

CLOUD stayed quiet. Then suddenly he burst out. "Darn that ARISTH! She always steals my spotlight! Even in a game in which I was the main character she goes and gets SEPHIROTH to kill her just so she can get attention! And then now! Again! AUGH! I cannot stand her!" and he cried, and then went into a corner to write an emo song.

SQUALL made a face. "Riiiight…"

(Climb a-board a gummi ship! We're gonna hop and skip to the Des-ten-y Is-lands!)

SORA was still in the cage. He sat and sulked, glaring at RIKU. He had broken the TV days ago, and since RIKU had spent all his money on the building of the cage, he couldn't get a new one. So his plan was failing.

So he got a job!!

"Welcome to Goodburger, home of the Goodburger, can I take your order?" RIKU said into the headset.

"RIKUUUUUUUUU!" SELPHIE screeched.

RIKU stuck his pinkie in his ear and wiggled it around.

"Like oh-em-gee, RIKU!" SELPHIE continued. "KAIRI is gone and I dunno where she has gone and so you must help me find her for she is my tru love!!"

"SELPH, I'm working." said RIKU, feeling annoyed.

"RIKUUUUUUUUUUUU!" she shrilled. "I am the queen! The queen's bidding goes above everything else!"

"Please run around to the next window."

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AHH! Crazy! Oh, Goodburger is © ALL THAT and Nickelodeon. Like I've said, don't sue.

R&R darlings!


End file.
